i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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