you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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