Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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