That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
pop tarts are not kleenex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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