Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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