Your face is a jimmy john
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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