let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
