I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drake has all the answers
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
