Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
