some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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