Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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