wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
