Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
