Sponge bath it is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
