So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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