Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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