Im at strip club and am horny
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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