So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
