hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
