Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
