walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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