then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
