I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
