Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
