You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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