I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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