Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
