I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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