I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
