a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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