Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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