This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
