Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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