My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
