Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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