Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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