By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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