Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize