I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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