i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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