theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize