This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
