what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
