Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
