I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
