you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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