May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
