So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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