we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
