the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
