you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do herpes really smell.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
