my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
