I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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