Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
