I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
