Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
