i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have post one night stand depression
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