I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you win again, gameday.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
