Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
