Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
