my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
