It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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