When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
