The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
