There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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