i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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