fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
